I wonder why you’re here, reading about me. I’m not that interesting. I’m flattered nonetheless and thus feel obligated to share some things about myself.
I tell people I don’t like cats and then bring up my cat, Luci, at least twice in any conversation. I’d wear headphones and listen to rock and roll every hour of every day if it weren’t considered rude. I loathe breakfast but love pancakes. I adore when people say I look like Jude Law. I’ll flirt with your mom before I flirt with your sister. I have been naked in both a Fisker Karma and the back of a squad car. I have tattoos and, no, I won’t explain them to you. I eat red meat and lift weights because my nickname growing up was “Bones” and I have skinny calves. I enjoy excessive and creative use of profanity. I would eat crème brûlée every day if I could make crème brûlée I wish I were living in a studio apartment in Paris. I wear male capri pants (manpris) more than I should. I have a thing for girls with names that start with “K”. I have an amazing dad who has cancer, a beautiful mom who treats me better than I deserve, and a wicked smart brother who has “Girls' Night” tattooed on his ass. I have little to no filter and find brutal honesty to be endearing.
I’d rather talk to you about anything other than cars, preferably motorcycles or music. I never want my world to orbit one sun. Cars—the beautifully orchestrated mechanical harmonies they are—don’t turn me on much. They are, however, motorized appendages for a driver, which is why they’re so important to me. I feel my best when I'm driving. It’s why I came to Automobile Magazine, which is all about driving and the cars that influence a driving experience and make it unique. I drove an Ariel Atom from Georgia to Virginia, a Tesla Model S around Chicago, and a Lamborghini Murciélago through a state park in California. I had a Chevrolet Corvette Stingray's engine explode when I was going 140 mph. I outfitted a Honda Odyssey with hot pink shag carpeting and took it to a music festival. I turned a quarter-mile in the 10s in an AMS-tuned E63 AMG. I’ve done burnouts in everything from an Aston Martin Vanquish and a Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat and to a Chevy Impala and a Dodge Grand Caravan. I’ve driven any number of high-performance cars around Suzuka Circuit in Japan, Circuit of the Americas in Texas, Laguna Seca in Cali, and a slew of other tracks across the country. For me, cars are small but significant pieces of the weird and wild drives I do.
But really, why are you here?