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Never Be Late for School Again: Imagining a Chrysler Pacifica Hellcat

What if Chrysler's minivan got a big injection of testosterone?

Even the most hardcore car nuts, obsessive tire-slayers, and gasoline-addled racers have to acknowledge one simple truth: If you need to cart around kids, you’ll have to give up the musclecar and buy a minivan. But what if there was a way to combine family life and your need for speed in one vehicle?

Enter the Chrysler Pacifica Hellcat — which doesn’t exist yet, but would look pretty cool if it was anywhere near what our illustrator has imagined here. Based on the all-new 2017 Chrysler Pacifica, the hypothetical hopped-up hauler would sit on slammed suspension and larger brakes, with a functional hood scoop and fat rear exhausts. Up front, look for the 6.2-liter supercharged V-8 that cranks out 707 hp in the Dodge Charger and Challenger Hellcats.

It’s not as if Chrysler hasn’t thought about this. Earlier this week, head of Fiat Chrysler global design Ralph Gilles (who previously ran the company’s SRT brand) Instagrammed a sketch he’d made with crayon of a Pacifica Hellcat. “Thinking about tracking my #Pacifica’s at dinner tonight,” he wrote of the car that sported a giant rear wing and ludicrously large wheels.

Before you dismiss this as a pie-in-the-sky gearhead fantasy, remember that the wild Hellcat engine will also be used in the Jeep Grand Cherokee, so it’s not only reserved for the Charger and Challenger musclecars. Going even farther out on an even more tenuous limb, Chrysler has said that the Pacifica could accommodate all-wheel drive, which means it’s only a modest leap of faith to imagine that car being built with a rear-wheel-drive layout. The biggest obstacle of all, though, is that the Hellcat’s V-8 is a big, heavy, longitudinally mounted engine that almost certainly wouldn’t fit in the Pacifica’s snug engine bay.

An even more pressing question: Is there a market for a super-fast minivan? Well, Mercedes-Benz did briefly sell a 505-hp R63 AMG family hauler, so the Chrysler Pacifica Hellcat isn’t totally without precedent.

For now, we’ll admit, this is a fantasy unlikely to come true. But hey, you can blame us for dreaming.

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