I love the Germans, I really do. I spent half my professional life working with them, and I have the David Hasselhoff CDs to prove it. Most of my cars are German, and I even went to high school in the Vaterland. And so I feel I’m uniquely qualified to make fun of them. So here goes: Germans in marketing departments are as helpful as Brits in the kitchen.
(Hey, my stepmom is a Brit. You don’t have to yell at me - she’ll do a fine job on your behalf).
But seriously, one assumes Porsche has a large marketing department, and the best name it can come up with for the company’s forthcoming small SUV is.. Macan? Porsche says it’s “derived from the Indonesian word for tiger.”
Hmm, that sounds familiar. In fact, if you visit your local VW dealership, you’ll find a Golf-based crossover called the Tiguan. That beauty of a name is half tiger and half iguana—and was voted upon by the readers of Auto Bild, the German car-magazine equivalent of the National Enquirer. (No, seriously. On both counts.)
If I follow logic, that means the Tiguan (Tiger/Iguana) is halfway between the Macan (a tiger) and the Cayman (an iguana.) Does that mean the Macan is actually a Volkswagen Tiguan without the Porsche bits? Wait, does a Tiguan even have Porsche bits? I’m so confused.
What I really don’t like about all of this is that both tigers and Cayman iguanas are endangered species. That doesn’t bode well for either Cayman (a great Porsche), the Tiguan (an okay Volkswagen). And the Macan—is it endangered before it’s even born?
I don’t know. But I do know that it’s not too soon to start making fun of the Macan name.
Which do we like better?
A) Macan go fast in my Porsche. B) Oh drat, my Macan is being towed to the... Mecan-ic. C) Buenos dias, Toucan Sam, would you like to buy a Macan, man? D) Methinks Mecan but Mewon’t buy a Macan. Gimme a 911 instead.
In my last blog, I made fun of some other German companies for their now-illogical alphanumeric naming schemes. I take all that back—if this is the alternative, clearly that’s the way to go. Macan’t think of a stranger name for a Porsche crossover. Canju?