Classified ads can run the gamut from being very straightforward and informational, to the hackneyed “runs great” or “perfect condition.” But every now and then, the writer of the description will take a literary flight of fancy, and paint an especially amusing or colorful picture. The author of this Canadian classified for a 1998 Subaru Impreza did just that. But be forewarned, if you are "planning on going to the mall to pick up that adorable Abercrombie & Fitch shirt or go to yoga class, this beast of burden is not for you." That's what your Prius is for, or so claims the writer of this classified post.
As if that bit of hyperbole wasn’t enough, the poster goes on to describe the Impreza’s production and development by “3rd degree ninja pirate super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis.” Evidently, Japan must be on “Planet Kickass,” because that’s where this all-wheel-drive hellcat is from.
As if the theme isn’t clear enough, there are references to Tom Selleck (specifically his chest hair), Chuck Norris (his stunt-double, actually, which the writer claims this car, in fact, is) and Johnny Cash.
Source: Kijiji Canada