Great Rivalries: Chevrolet Corvette vs. Porsche 911

Don Sherman
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Glenn Paulina

A rivalry played out on Instant Messenger

Jason_Cammisa: Hey Ez, I heard you prefer the Vette? Not surprised . . . I talked to your wife a few months back, and a couple of things she said proved what I've thought all along about guys who like Corvettes.

Ezra_Dyer: Next you'll be making insinuations about the anatomical implications of my monster truck. Besides, when it comes to overcompensation, I think the 911 and the Corvette are pretty much even. Except that the 911 is aimed at people who want to spend twice the money for less performance, because that's how much they hate America.

Jason_Cammisa: LOL. Right, that's it: I'm a communist because I like engineering over brute force. Funny you brought up your monster truck - doesn't it have a pushrod engine and a leaf-spring suspension, just like the Corvette? My lawn mower has an overhead cam, and it'll probably have direct injection before a Corvette does.

Ezra_Dyer: And if your lawn mower had the 911's weight distribution, you wouldn't have any toes. You depict the Corvette as this looming, crude ogre, but those leaf springs can be dampened by the same Magnetic Selective Ride Control system used by the Ferrari 599GTB Fiorano. Unlike Porsche, Chevrolet sticks with certain technologies not out of nostalgia but because they actually work.

Jason_Cammisa: Oh, please, that suspension is straight out of Fred Flintstone's ride. I think you've gotten high off the fumes from the Fisher-Price plastics inside the Vette: it's Chevy that sticks with old tech out of nostalgia. *cough* heavy fiberglass bodywork *cough*

Ezra_Dyer: Sorry, what were you saying? I was just looking at the Porsche Web site and wondering if $1010 is a fair price for "air vent slats painted in exterior color." If I were to spend six figures on a Vette, I'd have to look at boring unpainted vent slats while I was lapping the Nürburgring faster than any production Porsche ever. In any case, I think the price-versus-performance disparity makes this less of a true rivalry than a philosophical discussion - if we had, say, seventy grand, obviously I'd get a Z06, you'd get a 911, and everyone with a Nissan GT-R would wonder what either of us was thinking.

Jason_Cammisa: Ha. Let's not even go there . . .

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